I was sitting in a hospital room almost 15 years when I received my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. This particular time was a voluntary “commitment”. Oh that’s a strange word in this scenario. The dictionary defines commitment as the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. Well, I suppose after 3 or 4 involuntary “commitments”, you could say I was dedicated to this particular cause,activity,etc. What else would you call it “voluntary lock-up”? That’s really what it is, but then that implies the person has perpetrated a crime and is in jail. So that won’t work. It feels a bit like a prison. You can’t go anywhere. All of your rights are taken away while you’re there. Your every move is monitored. How about “voluntary time out”? That really doesn’t either…sounds a bit childish.
In this 15 years, I have learned a tremendous amount. I still have a lot to learn. Once the unknown had a name, it suddenly didn’t seem quite so daunting. I had a starting place at least. I also became a master list maker. I had a list for EVERYTHING! It gave me a sense of control over the uncontrollable. I had a list for weekly tasks, cleaning tasks, work tasks, exercise, goals, things I wanted to accomplish before I die (not that I was in a rush), places to visit, glass projects to make. Keep in mind one thing, I didn’t always finish everything on these. As the years went by and my Bipolar ebbed and flowed as it does, I became better at it. I refined my lists to more meaningful ones. I maintained the ones that kept me in check like the weekly tasks ones. Apparently my doctor thinks it’s good to stay on schedule. 😉
What’s the point of all this rambling? To be honest, I’m not really sure. I had a thought in my head and had to get it out. I’ll try to make next post better. 🙂