I’m left with that feeling of disbelief…that feeling you get after you’ve just witnessed something horrifying. Your body goes cold. Your hands start to shake. Your heart starts to race. Your head aches. I call it the “Depression Hangover”. You’re not truly out of the depression, but you’re nearing the end of it. It feels like I’m walking in a wintry fog. “Big D” is looming ever close. Oh he’s never for behind. I think he has abandonment issues.
This part of “Big D”, sleep is elusive. (As I write this, it’s 1 a.m.) My mind is running its umpteenth marathon…trying to stay one step ahead. We all know that’s NOT possible, but it tries (bless it’s heart). In my mind, I’ve completed all the glass art my gallery opening (that isn’t even on the books…yet). I’ve finished every unfinished conversation. I found every lost item. I’ve fixed the mental health system. I think you get the picture. This all happens while my family blissfully slumbers…so envious.
Oh, “Big D”, the things I could accomplish without you interrupting my life! Wait a minute. I’ve accomplished plenty. True, I could have done so much more without the constant derailments from “Big D”, but I have done quite a lot:
- graduated college
- married & started a family
- taught French & HIstory
- went to Belarus on a charity aid convoy
- tons of charity work
- spoke to thousands about mental health
- spoke to congressional members about mental health
- lobbied for mental health care change
- started a glass art business (Zarit Glassworks) (shameless plug)
- and more that I can’t think of at the moment
There are still many more things I’d like to do”
- fix the broken mental health care system
- educate people about mental health
- stop discriminating bills against people with mental illness
- exercise more
- travel more
- and so, so, so much more
I can’t keep using “Big D” as an excuse for not doing more. It’s easy to do when I’m caught up in that roller coaster ride. I have to remember the strength that I do have…that we all have.
Fighting every day for my life, I am stronger than I realize. I am on this earth for a purpose. “Big D”, you will NOT beat me !